Hitting My Heart A Little Hard Today

Today has seemed to drag on. It's cold outside. I'm tired and being very lazy. Today also happens to be my due date a year ago with Addison. And it would be also be my grandpas 83rd birthday. :( So mostly I've been a little sad today.

I was reading a blog from another pregnant mommy. She was blogging about her playing with her 2 year old when he started talking to her baby belly. And she stated that at that very moment she was overwhelmed with joy and love for how close she knew her kids would be. And how they could always turn to eachother. Now to say the least this might have ripped a hole in my already shattered heart. It's so hard to think that we will have to teach Jack that yes he does have a sister but she is Heaven. He will not be able to play along with her. To tease her and her friends. To follow her around. And to cuddle her at night when Mommy won't let him in bed with her. :( He will not have a big sister to hold his hand on the way to his first day of school. He will not have a big sister to give him everything he wants and make him spoiled rotten. All he will have is a picture and whatever I can possibly tell him. It just breaks my heart. Since I was a little girl I wanted to have a girl first and then a boy. And now here I am. I got what I wanted right? But this is the last thing I dreamt of.